I have always wanted to connect with a distant relative. Deep down I have always hoped that one branch of the family tree may have done a better job of keeping the oral history alive than mine did. As I discussed on here several times before, the topic of family history was more or less off limits on my mothers side of the family. Even from a young age I understood that I was not to ask my Gram about her father (who died in a tragic car accident when she was about 13). The accident changed the entire trajectory of her life and left behind a grief that I dont think she ever fully recovered from. She only spoke to me one time about her father's side of the family and even that was on a high level. She told me the names of her aunts and uncles and that she had one childless aunt who cared for her grandparents. My gram used to go over and cherish how her aunt doted on her. By all accounts this aunt was the one who taught her how to be a good mother. She described her grandparents as "old" and "near deaf". Despite this bleak description, her paternal grandparents fascinated me, so much so that I began researching them on an intense level. I scoured newspapers, genealogy sites, forums, and just about every corner of the internet looking for information that would give me a better idea of who they were. This extensive search is what led me to finding a distant relative.
One of those forums was Roots Chat. I quickly took note of a user who was posting and commenting about my ancestors and their extended families. Five years ago, when I first noticed this, I did not have a Roots Chat account nor was a ready to try and make contact. Recently this changed. I made an account and left a comment. There are a multitude of reasons that led to me making this decision, but the main one is the loss of my Gram two years ago. Following her passing I finally felt like I could actually delve into her family history without having to lie or keep secrets from her. On a lesser extent, my decision was driven by understanding just how quickly a generation can be lost and also not caring if I was rejected. (If I could handle being rejected from hundreds of jobs for the past 2.5 years, then I can handle being rejected by a distant relative that may or may not know anything. One is a need and the other is a want - if that makes sense).
I left a comment on one of the users posts and mentioned who my ancestors were, then I waited. The next morning I woke up to a response of them asking to make contact. A few days later we were emailing back and forth trying to establish where our family trees connected and sharing stories about what each of us knew. To my delight this man had a wealth of knowledge and had already connected with several other branches of our shared family tree. One such connection was with his cousin who's mother had visited my 2x great grandparents in the 1950's. Although she didnt have tons of personal information about them, she knew of her mother's visit and some of the things that they did while in Canada. It felt strange knowing that a woman on the other side of the Atlantic had known about this visit yet this was the first time I had ever heard of it. This was after my great grandfather's death, at a time when my Gram was more or less detached from much of her father's family. None the less, the information that the woman provided helped me see my 2x great grandparents as more than just the old and near deaf couple that my Gram remembered from her childhood.
Making contact doesn't have to be scary. Sometimes your messages go unanswered and other times you find gems like I did.
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